When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
