Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
