I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
should my penis look like a turkey
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
