I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
