The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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