Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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