I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
