she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
