So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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