who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
