guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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