I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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