So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ttyl tear gas
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
