hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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