uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
