Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
