As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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