my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
