there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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