Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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