Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
