last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
