I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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