I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
