Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
