Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
