I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
