just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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