Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
