I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
4 words: hood of his car
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
