You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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