so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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