No more Irish car bombs ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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