Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
