You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
