do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
