She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
