Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
