Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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