Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
