My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
