is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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