Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry about my life...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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