Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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