i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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