Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
