I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
