Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
