just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
