i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
