I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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